Floor Statements

I object, Mr. Speaker.

Mr. Speaker, I rise in opposition to the motion.

Mr. Speaker, my friends on the other side of the aisle just refuse to face the fact that 3 years ago with the passage of Dodd- Frank they created some of the most complex and confusing rules our economy has ever seen.

It is by no means a coincidence that the difficulties faced by farmers and small businesses and families in obtaining credit today is a direct result of Dodd-Frank's chilling effect on our capital markets.

The bill that we are considering today has nothing to do with cyber attacks. Although this is an important matter, this issue has nothing to do with cyber attacks. If it was so important, I'm wondering why it was not offered in either committee where we were fully debating this particular bill.

Our system is broken, absolutely broken, at the Federal regulatory level. The SEC and the CFTC have promulgated two completely different regulations to govern cross-border swap transactions. The delay and disorder on this issue end today.

Mr. Speaker, disparate regulations governing the same behavior hinder the capital markets and hurt the economy. I am hopeful that a bipartisan vote on this legislation will send a strong signal to our regulators in Washington that finally, after 3 years, they need to come together for the good of economic growth and prosperity. I urge a ``no'' vote on the motion to recommit and a ``yes'' vote on H.R. 1256.

I yield back the balance of my time.

Mr. Speaker, again and again we have heard from this President and this administration that we need to embrace an ``all-of- the-above'' approach when it comes to meeting and supplying our country's energy needs. At the end of the day, this has simply turned into a ``none-of-the-above'' strategy of failure by this administration.

Mr. Speaker, this is not complicated. Approving construction of the Keystone XL pipeline is the first and easiest step that we can take in order to embrace our energy future immediately, build jobs, and gain economic security.

The application to build the Keystone XL pipeline has been gaining dust at the U.S. State Department for more than 4 years awaiting approval. Each subsequent day that decision isn't made further denies this country greater energy security and the creation of over half a million jobs by 2035.

By the State Department's own calculations, the number of potential jobs through construction alone stands at over 42,000. With the unemployment rate being above 7.5 percent for 4 of the years that the Presidential permit has been pending, this just economically is irresponsible.

With over 15,500 pages already produced in its National Environmental Policy Act review over the past 4\1/2\ years, under the President's schedule, we must still wait for yet another report and even more pages to determine whether construction of the pipeline would be in the ``national interest.''

At any moment, the President could step in and immediately order approval of the pipeline, yet he continues to sit idly by while more and more people, including a majority of the general public and even members of his own party, come out in support of the XL pipeline.

Mr. Speaker, it is beyond a reasonable doubt that creating thousands of jobs and providing the American people more sources of oil by approving this infrastructure project that costs the American taxpayers no money is definitely in the national interest. So what are we waiting for?

Today, the House of Representatives will take up H.R. 3, the Northern Route Approval Act, which will approve the Keystone XL construction application without a Presidential permit and let the American people know that we will not wait around any longer. At the end of the day, this crude will find its way to foreign markets one way or another, and construction of this pipeline will guarantee our access to it and help secure energy independence in North America.

Today, the average price for a gallon of gas in America is around $3.60, which is nearly $2 more than when President Obama first took office. As the summer driving season approaches, that historically threatens to bring even higher gas prices for American families and businesses. Ensuring that every environmentally safe source of oil is available in order to maintain an adequate domestic supply is absolutely vital.

Because the President, yet again, refuses to act on an issue of such great importance for the Nation, this Congress will lead by sending a clear message to the families of this great Nation that we stand with you, we stand with jobs, and we stand for a more secure energy future here in America.

Mr. Speaker, on Friday May 17, 2013, I was in St. Louis, Missouri celebrating the graduation of my son, Stephen Wagner. Stephen is graduating from Washington University in St. Louis, and today was his commencement ceremony.

Due to this lifetime event, I was unable to be in Washington, DC to vote on the legislative business of the day.

On Ordering the Previous Question for H. Res. 216, a resolution providing for consideration of H.R. 1062, the SEC Regulatory Accountability Act, rollcall vote No. 155, had I been present I would have vote ``yes.''

On Adoption of H. Res. 216, a resolution providing for consideration of H.R. 1062, the SEC Regulatory Accountability Act, rollcall No. 156, had I been present I would have voted ``yes.''

On Adoption of the Amendment of Mr. Hurt of Virginia, Amendment No. 2 to H.R. 1062, rollcall vote No. 157, had I been present I would have voted ``yes.''

On Adoption of the Amendment of Ms. Maloney of New York, Amendment No. 3 to H.R. 1062, rollcall vote No. 158, had I been present I would have voted ``no.''

On the Motion to Recommit with Instructions H.R. 1062 rollcall vote No. 159, had I been present I would have voted ``no.''

On Passage of H.R. 1062, the SEC Regulatory Accountability Act, rollcall vote No. 160, had I been present, I would have voted ``yes.''

personal explanation

Mr. Speaker, on Thursday May 16, 2013, I was in St. Louis, Missouri celebrating children's graduations. My son, Stephen Wagner today graduated from Washington University in St. Louis, and my daughter, Mary Ruth Wagner, has a Baccalaureate Mass for Ursuline Academy.

Due to these lifetime events, I was unable to be in Washington, DC and vote on the legislative business of the day.

On Ordering the Previous Question for H. Res. 215, a resolution providing for consideration of H.R. 45 to repeal the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act and health-care related provisions in the Health Care and Education Reconciliation Act of 2010, rollcall Vote No. 150, had I been present I would have voted ``yes.''

On Adoption of H. Res. 215, a resolution providing for consideration of H.R. 45 to repeal the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act and health-related provisions in the Health Care and Education Reconciliation Act of 2010, rollcall Vote No. 151, had I been present I would have voted ``yes.''

On Approval of the Journal, rollcall Vote No. 152, had I been present I would have voted ``yes.''

On Motion to Recommit with Instructions H.R. 45, rollcall Vote No. 153, had I been present I would have voted ``no.''

On Passage of H.R. 45 to repeal the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act and health care-related provisions in the Health Care and Education Reconciliation Act of 2010, rollcall Vote No. 154, had I been present, I would have voted ``yes.''

I thank the gentleman from Indiana for yielding and for organizing these Special Orders this evening.

Mr. Speaker, I rise today in support of H.R. 45, a bill that will repeal the President's devastating health care reform law, commonly referred to as ObamaCare. When promoting the health care reform legislation to the American public, the President and members of his party told people that if you liked your health insurance then you could keep it, that the penalty Americans have to pay under the individual mandate was not a tax, and that those with preexisting conditions would have access to health care. Well, as many of us suspected then, these claims were nothing more than blatant lies.

In fact, the Congressional Budget Office recently said that 7 million people will lose their job-based health insurance due to ObamaCare. The Supreme Court has affirmed what we already

knew: that ObamaCare penalties are, indeed, taxes, and on February 15 the Obama administration announced they would not cover over 40,000 patients suffering from preexisting conditions.

Mr. Speaker, friends, this should not happen in America. We need to repeal this law, and we need to do it now. Today, though not fully implemented, ObamaCare has already had many destructive effects on the American people--real people with bills to pay, mouths to feed, and jobs to do.

Since ObamaCare was signed into law, many of the new taxes in the President's $1 trillion tax hike have gone into effect, most of which target the middle class, increase the cost of health care, and stifle job creation.

The law continues to take its toll on small business. I hear from mom and pop operations throughout the St. Louis region that are not hiring needed workers or reducing full-time employees to part-time workers, for the sole purpose of being able to keep their doors open as a consequence of the new ObamaCare regulations.

The impact on jobs already is unmistakable. ObamaCare promised 4 million jobs, including 400,000 almost immediately. Yet we know the truth: that ObamaCare is destroying jobs and costing the American Dream for millions of Americans.

Just today, a Missouri hospital announced that it was eliminating 129 good-paying jobs. The reason? ObamaCare.

These are facts, these are real jobs, and this law is hurting real people.

It continues.

Premium costs continue to rise on hardworking families across the country. Premiums for the average family have already grown by $3,000 since 2008, despite promises by the Obama administration that ObamaCare would decrease premiums $2,500.

Premium costs are expected to double, triple, and even quadruple for millions of Americans when many of the provisions of the law go into effect next year. The greatest effect will be on young people in this country, who are already struggling to find jobs, pay off student loans, and grow healthy, prosperous families. These young people will be stuck between paying for insurance they cannot afford and being subject to a burdensome tax.

Mr. Speaker, I will close by addressing the shameful raiding of Medicare by this irresponsible law called ObamaCare. Despite promises to the contrary, ObamaCare has gutted Medicare to the tune of $716 billion--nearly three-quarters of a trillion dollars--stolen from our Greatest Generation to pay for this devastating law.

Every day, more and more doctors are refusing to see Medicare patients because they simply cannot afford to do so. Is this how we pay back our seniors--with reduced benefits, reduced access to health care, and reduced respect for their quality of life? We owe them more. We owe the American people more.

Mr. Speaker, the facts are clear: this law is wrong for America and needs to be repealed immediately before any more of its harmful provisions are implemented.

Mr. Speaker, I rise today to make life work a little easier for moms and dads in the St. Louis region. I rise today on behalf of every parent who wished they had more time to spend with their children or more time to care for a parent or a loved one. I rise today to level the playing field for all private sector employees so they receive the same flexibility public sector employees have enjoyed for nearly 30 years.

That is why I cosponsored the Working Families Flexibility Act of 2013, which allows employees the choice, voluntary choice, of paid time off or comp time in lieu of cash wages for overtime. The Working Families Flexibility Act is commonsense legislation that will help balance the needs of family life and the workplace, and I urge my colleagues to support this measure and make life work a little easier for all Americans.

Mr. Speaker, today, I want to honor a legendary man, a loyal soldier in the battle for freedom in this great country--Chip Gerdes of my neighboring State of Illinois.

Chip suddenly passed away this morning in his home, where he was a loving father and a devoted husband. He was a loyal friend to me and to my family and was a faithful patriot to so many. Chip was the type of person we all strive to be in politics: he reached across all divides to bring people together for a common purpose.

I know Chip is smiling down on all of us today, cracking a joke about how serious we are about a man who never missed an opportunity to lighten the mood--and who would always fire up the room. Chip Gerdes will be missed by many, but his memory and his fight will continue.

We love you, Chip. We already miss you, and we will never stop fighting for what you devoted your life to defend: life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Rest easy, my friend. We've got it from here.

Mr. Speaker, we have seen these political games played before with sequestration, and the American people have responded unfavorably every time. This decision to furlough air traffic controllers by the FAA is no different.

Staff shortages as a result of these furloughs led to more than 2,250 flight delays in the first 2 days alone, greatly--greatly-- inconveniencing the schedules of many people trying to travel across our country. These delays are all unnecessary.

There are $2.7 billion in nonpersonnel operational costs that the House Transportation Committee has identified and which could be examined before furloughs that ultimately hurt the American people. The FAA and this administration have decided to inconvenience the American traveler instead of using its flexibility within the agency to enact these cuts in a responsible manner.

When air traffic controllers are being furloughed, yet workers helping implement ObamaCare have been unaffected, it becomes clear on where this administration's priorities are.

I am very concerned with Democrats using this latest example of a manufactured crisis to cut workers, not waste.

I'd be pleased to. Thanks so much for sponsoring this Special Order and talking about making life better and for working Americans across this country.

I'm a proud freshman Member of the 113th Congress, and we were elected to tackle the big problems. There is no bigger problem facing our country right now than getting hardworking Americans back to work with the skills they need during this tough economy.

Today, the Federal Government currently operates more than 50 different job training programs, many of which are duplicative, at a cost of some $18 billion annually to taxpayers. With nearly 20 million Americans unemployed or underemployed, it's time to cut through the red tape and start training individuals with the skills they need to find high-paying middle class jobs. That's why this House in the 113th Congress passed the SKILLS Act. It streamlines 35 overlapping job training programs, including many that were identified by the nonpartisan Government Accountability Office, and eliminates unnecessary red tape so that State and local resources go directly to help those that are actually seeking jobs.

According to a report released by my home community, St. Louis, by the community colleges there, 76 percent of employers found that workers lacked the proper training to contribute right away. And the most in-demand certificates for job openings, believe it or not, were for registered nurses. I think it's time that we start investing in nurses, medical assistants, manufacturing technicians, and computer support specialist jobs, and stop wasting billions and billions of dollars every year on ineffective government programs that do little to train individuals with the skills they need to succeed.

I believe it is past time for the Senate to take up this SKILLS Act, to do its job and pass commonsense legislation that puts America back to work, #makinglifework.

Absolutely. We're all reminded, with tax day having just passed, that we do need a Tax Code that is fairer, that is simpler, that we don't have to hire accountants and lawyers and go through thousands of pages of code in order to comply with the law.

We must remain competitive in society. We must cut through the red tape. Whether it's lowering tax rates for hardworking Americans and businesses and job creators or whether it has to do with cutting through overregulation--which is running rampant through our government--we've got to do things that cut waste and not workers. That's why making life work for Americans is so very important.

Balancing our budget, living within our means, I will tell you every family, every hardworking middle class family in the Second District is working hard to figure out how to make those tennis shoes last another 6 months. The dishwasher may be broken; but you know what, they'll wash them in the sink until they've got the money to pay for it.

There are private sector job creators, there are working families everywhere, there are State governments that are living within their budget, living within their means. It's time that the Federal Government balances their budget and lives within their means. Only the House budget balances within a 10-year period of time and cuts the kind of waste that needs to be cut instead of cutting workers and making sure that the American Dream is available for all Americans.

Absolutely. And I will tell you, it puts the job back in the people's House--we, the people. This is not governance by fiat. We were sent here by our districts across the country to pass commonsense legislation and to get the government off the backs and out of the way of hardworking Americans across this country. And, truthfully, the overregulation, the overburden, on business and industry is passed along to everyone across America. Every worker, every family is paying the cost of this overregulatory burden. Whether it's the debt and deficit, whether it's tax reform, whether it's flexibility for families, whether it's living within our means, I'm finished with mortgaging our children's future.

And I agree with the gentlewoman from Washington. I'm tired of mortgaging today. It's not just about the future, it's about mortgaging what's happening right now.

We thank the gentlelady from Alabama for putting the Special Order together, for really caring about all Americans and about what's important to them, as you said, sitting around the kitchen table. It's about making life work. And at the end of the day, that's what government ought to be doing--getting out of the way, off their backs, working for the people, not against them.

And this is key. This is about the Helping Sick Americans Now Act.

There are tens of thousands of Americans who have been turned away who are suffering and sick and ill with preexisting conditions, and I hope we're going to address this tomorrow.

Do you know what we're going to do?

We are going to defund this preventative care act--this slush fund in the Affordable Care Act--that has been going for everything from paths and bike paths and advertising campaigns and spaying and neutering dogs. Instead, we're going to defund it. We're going to pay down about $8 billion on the deficit, and we're going to move money into these high-risk pools, which are run by the States, that are going to actually take care of sick Americans.

I thank the gentleman from Kentucky for yielding and for hosting this Special Order on the importance of America's coal industry.

Mr. Speaker, I rise to discuss the importance of coal in Missouri. There is no denying that coal has played a vital role in providing an abundant source of power to plants that generate electricity for families and for businesses across this country.

In Missouri, coal-fired electricity is responsible for 81 percent of the State's electric supply, and largely contributed

to Missouri's low electricity rate of 7 cents per kilowatt hour in 2011, compared with the national average of 10 cents per kilowatt hour for that very same year.

Additionally, Missouri was sixth in the country in coal consumption, with 46 million tons of coal used for electricity in 2011, of which Ameren Missouri's Meramec plant in the Second Congressional District consumed 3\1/2\ million tons.

Ameren Missouri, based out of St. Louis, is the State's largest electric utility and provides electric service to approximately 1.2 million customers across central and eastern Missouri, including the Greater St. Louis area.

In addition to the consumption of coal, the Greater St. Louis area is also a critical player in the procurement of coal for our Nation's energy needs, with companies like Arch Coal, Peabody Coal and Patriot Coal headquartered in St. Louis and drawing employees from Missouri's Second Congressional District. These companies are among some of the country's and the world's largest coal providers.

All of this helps in keeping energy costs low for families and for businesses. More than half of American households devote more than 20 percent of their family budget to energy costs and, in this economy, we must do everything we can in order to keep the costs of electricity down.

Despite the reliance on coal in providing for this country's energy needs and contributing to low electricity prices, this administration has continually made it more difficult for these longstanding plants to operate, which ultimately threatens the industry for the future.

Existing power plants are already in the middle of meeting compliance with an EPA regulation aimed at reducing uncontrolled greenhouse gas emissions by 90 percent over 3 years. Now EPA is also proposing to regulate greenhouse gases for new power plants that will require them to meet a natural gas standard for air emissions by relying on unproven technology utilizing carbon capture and storage.

This standard was originally designed for a completely different energy source and relies on technology that has not yet been commercially tested, with the EPA itself estimating that this New Source Performance Standards rule will add around 80 percent to the cost of electricity for a new coal plant.

The EPA has already missed their April 13 deadline to finalize the rule, citing that they are still reviewing the close to 2 million comments that have been offered on the proposal. Among these comments are submissions from 221 Members of Congress, including 14 Democrats, who all have concerns with the devastating impact that this rule will have on jobs and the economy.

As a new Member of Congress, I would like to join my colleagues in opposition of this rule. The New Source Performance Standards rule will deny economic and environmental benefits of new low-emissions coal power plants in favor of plants that rely on commercially unproven technology in order to chase unrealistic and marginal environmental standards.

On top of all of this, President Obama's nominee to head the EPA during his second term only promises to bring the same kind of policies that have shut down factories and bogged down companies with increased regulatory red tape during his first term.

Gina McCarthy has headed the EPA's Office on Air Quality since 2009, and was instrumental in the creation of these regulations that have attacked the coal industry.

I applaud Senator Roy Blunt's leadership in placing a hold on her nomination, and hope that my other Senate colleagues will also take a hard look at her previous agenda when considering her legitimacy for the position, with such an important part of our domestic energy production and economic activity at stake. The coal industry just simply cannot handle four more years of the same regulatory overburden by the EPA.

What this all comes down to is continuing to provide reliable and affordable energy for the people of Missouri and the United States of America. Increasing costs of doing business subsequently increases the price of energy for households at a time when families are spending more and more of their budget on powering their homes.

The amount that American households devote from their family budget to energy cost is more than double from 10 years ago, and these regulations on coal have all played a significant role in that.

Every day families in Missouri's Second Congressional District create budgets, set priorities, and live within their means. Yet Senate Democrats have failed to pass a budget in 4 years, and President Obama refuses to submit his budget on time to the American people.

With our national debt now exceeding $16 trillion, our country is on an unsustainable path. That's why House Republicans released a plan that balances our budget in 10 years with smart reforms and cuts.

This budget will cut wasteful spending, reform our broken Tax Code, protect and strengthen our national security, and repair our social safety net to make sure that these are strong and sustainable for future generations.

In stark contrast, Senate Democrats introduced a budget that raises taxes by an additional $1 trillion, adds $4 trillion to our national debt, and sets a course that never ever balances the budget.

Instead of raising taxes and taking more of your hard-earned money, it's time we start lifting up and fighting for nurses, teachers, carpenters, and shop owners, and stop growing government and giving away taxpayer bailouts that only result in less money in our pocket and a mortgaging of our children's future.

Madam Speaker, the 113th Congress was elected to tackle the ``big problems''--and there is no bigger problem facing our country right now than getting hardworking Americans back to work with the skills they need to compete in a very tough economy.

Today, the Federal Government currently operates more than 50 different job training programs, many of which are duplicative, at a cost of $18 million annually to taxpayers. With nearly 20 million Americans unemployed or underemployed, it's time to cut through the red tape and start training individuals with the skills they need to find high-paying middle class jobs.

That's why the House will take up the SKILLS Act, which streamlines 35 overlapping job training programs, including many identified by the nonpartisan GAO, and eliminates unnecessary red tape so that State and local resources go directly to job seekers.

According to a report released by St. Louis Community College, 76 percent of employers found that workers lacked the proper training to contribute right away, and the most in-demand certificates for job openings were for registered nurses. The SKILLS Act addresses those needs.

It's time we start investing in nurses, medical assistants, and manufacturing technicians, and be sure to cut the ineffective government programs that do little to train individuals with skills they need.

Mr. Speaker, every day, hardworking families and small businessowners from the Second District of Missouri create budgets, set priorities, and live within their means. Yet President Obama and the Senate Democrats keep writing blank checks on the backs of our children and our grandchildren.

Yesterday marked the fourth time in the last 5 years that President Obama has missed his deadline to submit a budget on time to the American people, and the Democrat-led Senate has only exacerbated the debt crisis by not passing a budget in almost 4 years. This is simply unacceptable, and House Republicans stand prepared to address this crisis and offer a responsible budget again this year.

American families deserve better than missed deadlines, more spending, and more debt. They deserve answers and accountability. This week, the House will vote to require the President to show a plan of exactly when and how he would balance the Federal budget.

The 113th Congress was elected to tackle the big problems, and there is no greater problem facing our Nation right now than our out-of- control spending and debt.

Mr. Speaker, I rise today to pay tribute to an incredible woman, role model, public servant, and friend.

Over the past several decades putting people before politics has been a way of life for Congresswoman Jo Ann Emerson. Whether it was an agricultural issue, flood control problems, a small business in trouble or a Veteran who needed help--there were no Democrats or Republicans to Jo Ann, just constituents.

Jo Ann truly represents the people of Missouri's 8th District by listening to them and then working hard to make a difference. Putting people before politics was not just a slogan to her--it was the way the gentlelady from Missouri's sprawling 8th District operates. She epitomized what being a Member of the People's House should be.

Her legacy of service and that of her late husband Bill Emerson will not be forgotten and she remains an example for all of us in this body. Her service will be remembered because of the lives she has touched by doing what was right because it was right.

While I am excited for Congresswoman Emerson in her new endeavor, I am sad for the great loss to this chamber and to the people of Missouri's 8th District.

I thank the gentleman for yielding.

Mr. Speaker, it is with heavy heart that I stand here today on the 40th anniversary of Roe v. Wade, a decision that has done so much harm to the moral landscape of our Nation.

Since that dreadful day 40 years ago, there have been more than 55 million abortions in this country. That is roughly one-fifth of the United States population whom we will never know. We will never derive the contributions to society that these nameless angels could have brought to the world. And even worse is the emotional pain that millions of women have endured in the days, months, and years after their abortion.

It's my honor to put in the Record today the story of Joyce Zounis, who joins us today. It's compelling testimony, and it's an honor to put her testimony forward.

Since I was sworn into Congress nearly 3 weeks ago, I have had the opportunity to sign on to pieces of pro-life legislation. I believe that it is important that we prevent any taxpayer dollars from going to abortions or organizations that perform abortions.

I believe in the sanctity of life, that life is truly a gift, from conception to natural death, and I am dedicated to protecting the rights of the unborn. I support the efforts to reduce the number of abortions in this country, and will work not only to make abortion illegal, but to make abortion unthinkable.

You see, as a mother of three beautiful children, the sanctity of life is very cherished and very personal to me. In fact, it was exactly 23 years ago that I came to Washington, D.C., on a bus from St. Louis, Missouri, to participate in the March for Life. I know it was exactly 23 years ago because I was 6 weeks pregnant at the time with my second son, Stephen. Taking a 14-

hour bus ride while experiencing morning sickness is generally not advisable, but I knew actively participating in the pro-life movement at a time when I was carrying my unborn child was so very important.

As a mother, I want to raise my children in a world that values life at all stages. I do not want to raise them in a world that exhibits a flagrant disregard for human life. And at that moment 23 years ago, I knew that it was not enough to simply say that I was pro-life; I had to, indeed, walk the walk.

On the anniversary of the Supreme Court decision that legalized abortion in this country, I am heartbroken for the pain this decision has caused over the last 40 years, but I am hopeful, hopeful and inspired by the many young people I have seen today who will be marching side by side with me for life this Friday. I encourage my colleagues to join me and show support for human life at all stages.

Joyce Zounis--TV and Radio Producer and Host, Living Beyond the

Bandaide of Abortion

``We will not speak of this again'' were the words spoken

to me as my mom and I, a 15-teen-year old high school

sophomore, walked into the abortion facility. I too wanted to

forget this problem. I was determined to be the one who

decided when I became a mom; NOT a positive reading on a

stick. Already disconnected, my mind was not on what was

about to happen, but of missing cheerleading practice.

The room was filled with many girls and to my mom's dismay

we saw someone we knew. Our secret was blown. I sat in a room

waiting for my name to be called just like any other doctor's

appointment but this was like no other. They said it won't

hurt; it did! They said it would be over real quick; it has

lasted 35 years!

Eleven years after my first abortion, I was having my

seventh. I was in the same waiting room, walking the same

hall, wearing the same gown, taking the same pill, and laying

on the same table. To this abortionist's disgust, my

pregnancy was further along and required more of his time.

Several hours later the vacuum-like noise broke a decade-

old trance--``what have I done?'' I began to weep

uncontrollably, and this enraged the abortionist. His

gestures were rough, and he was morbidly pleased to have me

see his bloody garments when he was finished. The nurse

quickly moved me to the recovery room and gave me crackers.

Within 10 minutes I was rushed out the back door and nauseous

on my way home.

Eleven years, three clinics, two states, seven abortions,

and not once was I told of the physical risks I would suffer

later: the necessity of bi-lateral mammograms and fear of

breast cancer; ovarian cysts; being bed ridden for five

months in my last pregnancy and having to explain the

possibly of ``mommy dying'' to my four young children due to

placenta previa, which resulted in my losing all but two

pints of blood; and, a partial hysterectomy at delivery.

Not once was I told of the emotional trauma I would suffer:

uncontrollable anger flamed by betrayal, deafening seclusion,

and the inability to trust. That child loss through choice

would devour my dignity as I justified the twisted truth. Or

that deception would slowly creep into all areas of my life

including the need to discretely reveal several of my

abortions as miscarriages.

I was never told I would feel like I was the only one going

crazy. Everyone talks about their ``right to choose;'' but no

one talks about the choice. In my case this led to sabotaging

many life joys. I will never forget hearing my firstborn's

heartbeat. Instead of joy, I was in shock, terrified that the

nurses could see right through me and what I had done to my

other children.

I was never told you would need to grieve and cry for your

unborn; that your life would be forever altered by the

horrors of your `chosen' loss, tormented by the innate

longing to hold and know your dead children and their dreams.

Or that my five living children would suffer with an

impossible mom; trapped by the hidden sadness of her gullible

past.

Through divine intervention in 1990, I had participated in

an abortion recovery program. The tears so long forgotten had

begun to form and fall together with the bandaides covering

my shameful sorrows. With grateful relief I was able to

acknowledge, name, and mourn my seven babies and rightfully

publically position them among their siblings.

For over two decades, my now deceased mom joined me in

telling others that abortion hurts everyone: family, friends,

and future generations. We were wrong. Abortion was not the

right answer for my untimely pregnancies.

I now know that you are forever a mom regardless of the age

of your child; 6 seconds, 6 days or 60 years. I was blind to

this but now I see. This momma of 12 children chooses to be a

voice of truth. In pregnancy you carry the baby for only nine

months but in abortion you carry it for a lifetime just with

empty arms.